24 Hours
by Chiara SS
Summary: Castle's thoughts on the aftermath of the Season Three finale. Two-shot. R&R! *EDITED as of 3/31/2013!*
1. Part I

**3/31/2013 - So, I finally decided to edit this little two-shot we have here. I remember when the season premier aired I was super disappointed that what I'd wrote was nothing like what actually happened. Even if the writing itself could be better, I still like this version better. I hate that they did the whole Beckett-doesn't-remember-Castle-telling-her-he-loves-her. That annoyed me.  
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**I feel like if somebody had a near death experience they'd jump at something like that, not push the person away. But I digress, as there's nothing I can do to change how "Rise" went. **

**At least she survived the whole ordeal, eh? **

**But I guess season five totally makes up for all that crap though, so I can't really complain. **

**Anyways, hope you enjoy! :) **

**24 HOURS  
><strong>Part I**  
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_Richard Castle was hardly a patient man. And waiting was most definitely _not _his forte. _

_He looks around the bland, impersonal waiting room. Doctors, nurses, and orderlies rush around the place, but none approach him. The receptionist at the front desk has come to hate his presence and incessant questions, but he wants to know—no, scratch that—he needs to know how she's doing. If there's any news. _

_"Everything's going to be all right, Dad." Alexis says reassuringly, placing her hand on his. _

_He just nods, not wanting to say anything. Not wanting to jinx the situation, as childish as it sounds. Then again, when was he ever adult-like? Well... there was that time— no, Richard Castle was a childish man. But it was a good kind of childish. At least, he'd like to think so. "Dad, why don't you write in your diary—or journal, or whatever you want me to call it. Maybe it'll help." _

_He looks to her and smiles. What he'd do without her, he doesn't even want to think about that. "That's probably a good idea, Alexis. Look," he says. "I'm glad you're here, but if there's somewhere else you have to be you can go. I'll call you with any news." _

_"Are you sure, Dad? I don't want to leave you." _

_"I'll be fine," he promises her. _

_"All right," she says, standing up swinging her bag over her shoulder. "I'll see you at home."_

_Castle watches as Alexis disappears from view, before pulling out his leather-bound journal. He pulls a pen from his pocket, and opens up to a blank page. _

May 17, 2011.

_11:03am. _

It's been hell, Kate. Utter hell.

Not knowing what's actually going on, how you're doing in that operating room. I've been trying to reassure myself that everything will turn out fine, that you will come out of this thing alive, but I'm fearing the worst. A life without you, as cheesy as it sounds, would be unbearable. Unimaginable. But the thing that pains me the most... is this is _all my fault. _

I saw the glare of the snipers rifle. I noticed it before the shot rang out. I could've saved you... but I was a second too late. A _split second _too late. If I had only been faster, you wouldn't be in that room and I wouldn't be worried out of my mind. But now, there's nothing I can do. It's all in the hands of the doctors. You arrived at the hospital nearly six hours ago.

Now I'm sitting in the waiting room.

Waiting.

And waiting.

Waiting for any sort of information on your... condition.

But you know doctors. They don't like saying anything. Hell, I don't even know if you've gotten out of surgery yet.

But we were all here, Kate. Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, your father. Alexis even stopped by. Well, we _were _all here. The room is pretty empty now_—_everyone's busy trying to catch your shooter. Your dad's still here, of course. He's been... quiet I guess. I think he blames me, though. We haven't talked much, other than the occasional 'any news while I was gone?' sort of conversation.

Now, all I can do is wait. But you know me, I _hate _waiting. I keep on thinking that your life is in the hands of some doctors we don't even know. I know I shouldn't be thinking that way, I mean I have no conclusive evidence that should lead me to believe they'll screw up. But, the thought is like a bright light in the back of my mind. Perhaps it's the writer in me.

But, one thing I do know... it'll do me no good to play the 'what-if' game.

_12:07am._

Another hour has passed.

Did I mention I hate waiting?

Your dad has been shooting me weird glances. What? Has he never seen a grown man write in his journal before? I've been trying to explain to him that it's not a diary, but he says he doesn't want to know. Rest assured, Kate... this is _not _a diary, as I said it's a journal. What can I say... I'm a writer! It's in my blood. Writing in this thing is actually kind of therapeutic, if you know what I mean?

Writing helps me in situations of great... tragedy. It's the one place I can get out all of my jumbled, mixed-up thoughts in one place.

_"Excuse me?" _

_Castle looked up from his journal. _

_Jim stood up. "Is everything all right with Katie?" _

_A young, blond doctor looks at the two men, then focuses on Jim. "Mr. Beckett, correct? I'm Doctor McKenzie," she extends out her hand. _

_He nods quickly, eyes eager for information, and reaches to shake the woman's hand. _

_"Ms. Beckett is still in surgery at the moment. The good thing is that the bullet didn't rupture any major organs. If everything goes well, she'll be good as new," the doctor smiled reassuringly._

_"And if it doesn't?" Jim asked. _

_"Well," she sighed. "We can cross that bridge when and only if it comes. But I'm feeling pretty optimistic right now." _

Oh. My. God.

Or in the the immortal words of... you: Shut. The. Front. Door.

I don't think I've ever felt so happy. So light.

Doctor McKenzie just came to talk with us. She says things are looking good. That she's feeling optimistic. Her words were so_—_reassuring. She called you Ms. Beckett, funnily enough. I almost corrected here on that one, Detective.

My mind is _still _playing the 'what-if' game. It took a lot not to ask her what would happen if they couldn't remove the bullet.

It's been seven hours since I saw you last. Alive and breathing that is.

It is weird to say that I already miss you so much? I miss your smile, and your facial expressions, and just your overall presence; it just isn't the same without you here, Kate.

Your dad just went out for another coffee run. The boys have been checking in every half hour or so. I keep promising to call them as soon as I have any news, but other than that light at the end of the tunnel also known as Doctor McKenzie's conversation with us, we haven't gotten anything else. I know your dad is still worried sick.

It must pain him to see his only daughter so close to, you know. No father wants to bury their child before them self. And with his wife_—_your mother_—_gone, you're the only one he has left. I can only imagine what exactly he's feeling right now. I don't know what I'd do if that was Alexis in there.

I hope you're all right, Kate.

I hope, that at this very second you're not feeling any pain. Most importantly, that you know that there so many people who care so deeply about you. Who love you so much.

I've put this off for too, let me tell you. I've debated the right time to say something, but I could never get the right words out. Ironic, huh? Coming from a writer. But I want you to know that when I uttered those three words to you, I meant them with all of my heart. Now, with so little time left, I'm annoyed with myself more than anything for not saying anything sooner. I regret waiting until you were... dying... to tell you the truth. About how I really feel about you. About us.

With all that happened, I'm not entirely sure you even heard what I said. Or maybe you think that it was just a dream or something. But if you're reading this right now, what you heard was correct, Kate. And I'll say them again, and again and never stop.

I love you.

God, this is going to be cheesy, but I don't even care anymore.

I love you, Katherine Beckett. Always have, always will. Maybe that will make you understand that I wasn't just trying to be a pain in the ass whenever you had boyfriends. Demming, Josh. I was jealous. Extremely jealous. I can't deny that anymore.

I promise that if you actually make it through, we're actually going to talk about this. About us. I don't want this to be like every other intimate thing that's ever happened between us... gone almost completely ignored. I don't want that to happen anymore. Please understand that I'm not trying to be pushy, I just care too much about you, Kate.

It's been exactly twenty-four hours since you first got here. Twenty-four long hours of hell.

I think I've begun to loose what's left of my mind.

I haven't went home. I can't.

I just want to know that my Kate is going to be all right.

_"Mr. Beckett?" Doctor McKenzie appears once more. She taps the elder man on the shoulder. He continues snoring away. She looks to Castle expectantly. _

_"Jim?" Castle says. _

_He jolts up. "What!?" _

_She looks at the two men. The smile on her face is a good sign, they both think to themselves. "We've managed to remove the bullet. Ms. Beckett is going to be... just fine!" _


	2. Part II

**24 HOURS  
><strong>Part II

He hadn't meant to leave the leather-bound journal in her hospital room at the end of the bed. Not really.

It was sort of one of those "accidentally on purpose" type things. Half of him wanted her to read the entry. To understand how he really felt about her. To know that he, Richard Castle, loved her with all his heart. He wouldn't have minded even if she read the entire journal. Most of the entries were about _her _anyway. But the other half of him was afraid. Afraid of the unknown. He didn't want to ruin their relationship if she didn't feel the same way.

But the deed was done, and there was no turning back now.

He had only left her room for a second, leaving the journal unattended at the end of the bed. When he returned only minutes later, he found her engrossed in the journal as if it were one of his novels. So engrossed, she hadn't even noticed him come back into the room.

She read page after page, almost feeling a twinge of guilt for prying so deeply in what appeared to be his... ever-so manly journal as he called it. But... she had almost died, if that didn't call for reading it, what did? You only live once, right? At least, that's the excuse she gave herself. As the entries wore on and on, she found that they... were all about her. Beckett and I did this today. Beckett and I did that. Beckett and I almost died. Beckett looked hot.

Every entry somehow involved her.

He wrote about everything that had ever happened between them, from their first meeting four years earlier... to now. He wrote about that time they had been locked in the freezer, how they had almost died together.

_Everything._

But nothing prepared her for the very last entry, dated yesterday. According to the time, while she'd been in surgery. _It's been hell, Kate. Utter hell. _It almost read as a letter to her. Maybe he had left it here on purpose, maybe he wanted her to read it. She continued on the entry, scanning through guilt free.

_I love you? _So she hadn't been imagining things.

Castle studied her every emotion. He could see she had been reading the entire journal; although it shouldn't've come as much of a surprise since she didn't know to turn to the last page. But he could just tell when she got to the entry he had been waiting for. The look on her face changed from a woman looking back on fond memories, and the not-so-fond ones... to sheer and utter surprise.

Finally finished reading, she slowly closed the journal and fell back against her bed, eyes closed. She let out a heavy sigh. Her eyes snapped open as she realized Castle was sitting on a chair in the corner of the room. "Castle... I-" she stuttered.

He stood up and brought a finger to his lips. Then walked to the side of her bed, and smirked. "You don't have to say anything."

Kate shook her head, "Yes I do, especially after what... what I just read.

Castle sighed. _Maybe it wasn't such a good idea, _he thought. He considered trying to explain himself, or to at least give some sort of rational excuse for what he wrote in his journal only hours ago. But nothing excuse-worthy came to mind, so he convinced himself he did the right thing, and decided to just go with the truth. "I was scared, Kate. I didn't want to lose you. I still don't want to lose you. But everything I wrote in that journal was the truth. Is the truth. And nothing can change my mind."

Kate stayed silent for awhile, the words truly sinking in. It was one thing to read them on paper, but it was another to hear them out loud; it made the words real. Castle finally spoke, turning into the Castle she knew and loved, "Was that too cheesy? Should I have put a disclaimer at the top saying; Beware the Cheese?" As joking as he meant it, he genuinely wanted to know.

She laughed. "No, it-" she sighed, and admitted, "A little."

Castle sighed, "Well, it was a major attention grabber, wasn't it?"

"It certainly was." she replied, smiling. "But I know it... came... from the heart. But when did you become such a-"

"Hopeless romantic?"

Kate smirked, "I'm sorry for being nosy... well not really since you never gave me that courtesy," she joked. "But I read all the other entries. Everything was about... about me. How you felt... how we deal with things. Together, as a team, as partners."

Castle sighed, "Yeah. I know... it _is _a journal after all. Look, I'm sorry for-"

"I think I love you too."

Castle stopped mid-sentence. He was almost waiting for that "just kidding" to come out of her mouth. He stared at her... and wondered why he was so surprised the she really did feel the same way.

"Come on, Castle," she said with a smirk. "I say I feel the same way and you look at me like I'm crazy!"

He laughed. But merely stared into her light brown eyes, noticing how they lit up as he inched closer to her. Both of their hearts started to beat outside of their chest's. Face to face, staring intently at each other, Castle moved slowly into her waiting lips.

Suddenly a mixture of applause and cat-calls rang out. Kate and Castle pulled away from each other, surprised at the sudden noise. Looking away from each other, they noticed everyone standing in the corner of the room; Martha, Alexis, Jim, Lanie, Esposito, and Ryan.

Kate found that her face had turned a bright shade of red, but Castle laughed murmuring in her ear, "_Some_body's embarrassed." Castle merely shrugged his shoulders and pulled her back into his embrace, giving her gentle kisses along her lips.

More applause rang out, but this time the couple didn't stop nor look away from each other.

"Took you long enough," said Lanie with a smirk.

Ryan was the only one who looked upset... or at least disgruntled by the current situation. He forced a sigh, and reluctantly took out his wallet from the inside of his jacket pocket. He turned to Esposito, "How much do I owe you?"

"Let's see," he replied smugly. He began mentally doing the math, counting on his fingers and such. Convinced he had calculated it correctly, he looked dead onto Ryan's face, and grinned devilishly, "Two-Hundred big ones!"

"Two-Hundred bucks!" gasped Ryan. "You're kidding, right?"

"I'm afraid not, bro..." Esposito said with a smirk.

The couple pulled away from each other. "Betting on me and Castle, are you?" chuckled Kate, attempting an angry look on her face.

"It's all for you, Beckett." replied Esposito.

"Oh yes," Ryan added sarcastically. "Of course it is." He pulled a wad of bills from the inside of his wallet and counted out two-hundred dollars. He took in a deep breath, and wiped a fake tear from his eye. "Good-bye little buddies, it was nice knowing ya."

Esposito rolled his eyes, and held out his hand. "Oh just pass 'em over!"

"Just give me a sec, bro." Ryan kissed the money numerous times, and slowly passed them over to his greedy partner.

Kate laughed, but ignored the remarks of her two detective colleagues. She turned to Castle, and whispered quietly in his ear, "I really am glad we got to talk, Castle. I... I love you."

Castle smiled, and whispered back, "I love you too."


End file.
